House of Bones

Home was never really a home,
it was a dry, dry desert
masqueraded by instability
and family affairs that nurtured rumors.

Everything lovely was branded nasty and dirty,
it was wrong to be happy
in the presence of those
who were still mourning their youth.

Childhood memories were damaged,
lies were companions in beds with people
like a married couple.
Anything important was a joke.
Everything was a conspiracy.

Despise, hatred, and rejection
lead the way to depression.
Destruction was inevitable.
Something had to give.

Too many years of turmoil and distress,
too many unheard cries for help,
and unnoticed suicide attempts.
The damage will never be repaired.

Everything good and inviting
should’ve began at home in the arms of love
but it was the most dangerous place to be
instead of the safest place to let
the heat from the rest of the world off.
Some of the worst kinds of monsters lived there.

Loneliness Is Depressing

Loneliness is a tough one to battle,
it’s like battling depression.
Nighttime is the worst time.
Everything is quiet
except the thoughts
playing dominoes in your head,
they chat about everything
you don’t want to remember.

Depression: In A Box

You carry yourself in a box.
Inside it, is the safest place to be.
Outside of it, you are a wrecking ball.
Everything you touch breaks.

Depression has taken more out of you
than you can ever give back to yourself.
You want your life back
but you are lost within the confines of a box.

Relieved

When he cuts,
he feels relieved.
It’s like a weight has been lifted.
Though scars remain,
it is the closest he’ll ever get to
experiencing a near-death high
because he doesn’t have the heart to
end the very thing he despise.

Her Depression

#1
Her family and friends won’t admit it;
no one wants to talk about it,
everyone goes out of their merry ways to avoid
her depression,
her destruction,
her suicide attempts;
her desperate cries for help.

She was a ticking time bomb
just waiting to explode at any moment.
She wasn’t safe;
she didn’t feel safe in her own skin.

She let people
she thought would help know
she wasn’t in a safe place
but they did nothing to help;
they sincerely did not care
that she needed them
to listen to her,
to hear her cries for help
…for once.

They tuned her out,
ALL OF THEM
because they believed that she was making up
her depression,
her destruction,
her suicide attempts;
her desperate cries for help.

#2
With plenty of prayer and lots of tears,
she pulled through;
she endured all the dark days and nights
that tested her endurance;
there were many days
when she thought she wouldn’t make it

And until this day
her family and friends won’t admit it,
no one wants to talk about it
so she never coughs up her disease
because they still avoid
her depression,
her destruction,
her suicide attempts;
her desperate cries for help.

Scum

The nightmare began,
the day she stepped foot on American soil.

Back home, everything was different.
She missed home and her family and friends.
She came from a happy place.
She was loved.
She’ll always remember how loved she always felt.

She was not prepared
for anything that was about to happen.
She was introduced to depression and suicide,
they had no mercy on her,
they ripped her apart to the point
where death accompanied her wherever she went.

She felt alone, unloved and unwanted.
Everyone she opened up to dismissed her cries for help.
She went from being treated good
to being treated like a
low-down-dirty-scum-of-the-earth“.

A family member actually said
those very dirty words to her.

The things she endured
has left scars
this lifetime will never heal.

My Brother’s Tragedy

My brother has death marked in his eyes.
His whole aura has changed.
He has all but given up on life.
Whether he lives or dies,
he does not care anymore.
He has reached
the point of no return.

His depression is real deep.
Thoughts of suicide somersaults
in his head like a plague.
Death might be his only release
if intervention doesn’t happen now.

What he’s going through is tearing him apart.
He does not feel loved or cared for;
he feels alone, empty, lost, broken, sad, unhappy.
His journey, his purpose in life abandoned.

Part 4: The Suicide Series

You don’t know how to talk about it
so you suffer alone in darkness,
trying to find a way out
of your lonesome self.

Your days fill up with tears
and that guilty trip of feeling sorry
for yourself is your best friend.

You are always feeling sad and hopeless,
helpless and worthless.

Some feelings come and go
but some never leave,
haunting and taunting you day and night.

Sometimes you find yourself over-sleeping
and can’t seem to get out of bed
or sometimes you roam the house at night
searching for that peace of mind.

Everything seems wrong in your life,
you are having the hardest time concentrating
on simple tasks, remembering things
or even making small decisions.

You don’t know what to do.
This thing has overpowered you.

There is only one thing left to do
and since you are too afraid
or too ashamed to seek help,
you can only think of one way to go.

Suicide has become your obsession.

No one cares,
“not even you”.