Losing Grip

And then I seem to forget
what I’m really after.
My mind gets stuck on
“what they must think”
That worry terrorizes me.
Everything I’ve been learning
in the moment of fear
gets thrown out the window.
My voice shakes.
There’s that fright in my eyes.
That weak exterior.

At that point, I’m no longer
keeping my promises to myself
Of facing every opportunity with confidence.
Every word I speak must always fill the room.
My journey is not about pleasing others.
They’re on a journey of their own.
God’s opinion of me is the only one that counts.

You Owe It To Yourself

Be great.
That’s your fate.
Ignore the “victim” bait.
Make no more excuses.

Unique,
that’s you.
You shouldn’t want to be a duplicate
of someone else’s shadow.

You owe it to yourself
to be great.
Develop your skills.
Create your own winning streak.

Learn to keep
your own promises to yourself.
It’ll do wonders
for your transformation.

Hard work and discipline,
you’ll need plenty of that.
Fight! Fight! Fight!
Your biggest opponent will be your mind.

You Decide

I believe God
has planted in each of us A DREAM.

It is up to us to find it.
And it is up to us to use it
when we find it.

What we do with it is totally up to us.
Use it or waste it.
Either way, you have decided.

Heavy Burdens

I could taste the hatred in my mouth;
I could taste the bitter despisement.
I was out to ruin myself

all because of that trauma.
I was on the road to death,
the anger and the pain was surely
going to eat me alive.

I was no use to myself.
Depression was creeping in.
My children, destined for the same
path I’d been digging my way out of.

I had to let it all go.
They deserved to live a better life.
I had to stop and park the speeding car,
carefully unloading the heavy burdens
I’d been carrying around with me
from childhood.

My children helped me through
days I did not even want to live;
they helped me realize
how much they needed a mother.
And I didn’t need to go about this alone.

I Didn’t Know Her

I used to look in the mirror
and didn’t recognize the person
staring back at me.

I didn’t know her.
I didn’t love her.
I didn’t want to be “her”.
She was not me;
I WAS NOT THAT PERSON!

I only recognized
the dead, blank look in her eyes…
all the emotions drained out of her,
just the pain and the EMPTINESS lived inside.

I could only sympathize with her.
I couldn’t even cry for her anymore.

Time To Heal

I took myself away to heal.
All communication seized.
I didn’t need the daily reminders
of why I was never good enough
for them or how I should have
handled things differently
then perhaps I would have
had a happier ending.
I needed to mute those voices
on the other line telling me
to “get over it” when no one was there
to protect me from the slaughterhouse.

I needed to be alone with myself.
To find my voice.
To remind myself to live.
I didn’t need to prove or compare
myself to anyone to feel hopeful.

Fought For My Freedom

I’ve been busy,
putting my life back together

Trying to find some solid ground
where I can feel safe.

My home was my jail cell.
I got sentenced to life

for a crime
I did not commit.

They tried so hard to imprison my mind.
I fought even harder for my freedom.

I think I turned out okay.
God had different plans for my life

greater than all of our expectations.
My story didn’t end at that kitchen table.

God, Is Already There

No surprises.
God reigns.
He’s already “there”
before you get there,
waiting patiently;

He knows every turn and
the intricate detail of any route
you could take, no surprises.
Don’t worry about anything.
All of your needs are already
taken care of.

I try to remind myself
of that every day now.

Keep Fighting

I fight those demons every day
that tells me “I’ll never be good enough.”
I can’t let them win
no matter how scared I feel.
I know I’m here for a purpose
greater than my small mind
can comprehend.
I keep fighting, I just don’t
have what it takes to surrender.