What’s Eating Me?

Fear is consuming me alive – I am eager to overcome.
How do I get outside of myself to be true myself?
I don’t know who I am and have yet to understand who I’ll become.
Everything about me has been a fabrication.
I’ve deceived myself into believing I’m not worth a thing.
I am not the anxiety that’s been my existence.

Safe Room

You are hurting
and it shows.

The discomfort is your eyes
and in the sound of your voice.

if only your family would
read between the lines of those carelessly chosen words
you thrust out into the universe;
they’d see the jig is up.

You don’t smoke and drink liquor
out of habit just because you feel liberated.
That unaccountable place feels safe and untouched by human error,
your way of processing your childhood trauma.

You don’t know how to cope any other way.
You’re suffocating, desperately trying
to keep your spirit above water.

Back To Square One

I’ve turned over a fresh leaf.
I’m taking the time to appreciate myself more;
doing something significant to replant a firm foundation,
watering my self-development

Even before I became of age,
I was too busy searching for
someone to validate me.
I ended up feeling more isolated
than when I was alone.

What I Regret

I regret “not trying hard enough,”
or “giving up” and bargaining for lower than
my highly placed standards because of anxiety.
Even if my voice shakes like thunder,
or shatters into a million pieces I’m glad
I tried to get out of my comfort zone -now-