I dream of genuine love
a Mr. Right reserved and set aside for me
when the time is right, I’ll know
I’m trying so hard to convince myself
that fairytales exist outside of a book.

There is calm; an extra layer of peacefulness
no worrying or stressing
I am mesmerized by the stillness of my mind
everything negative melts away.

I long for a fairytale ending
seasoned with affection
cooked to perfection
that is the novel of my dreams.

You try to live with no regrets; you try to let
the chips fall where they may, life happened,
and it was fun while it lasted; yesterday,
you were dreaming of a bright future,
but today, you met a tragic ending,
a drive-by shooting snuffed your life away.

Jane Doe is dying to be thin
look at her frail bones and her paper skin
she’s glued to the scale and counts
the nonexisting calories in the water
she’s barely functioning; food
consumes her mind, but it is the enemy.
The lower she weighs, the happier
she feels inside; she’s knocking
on death’s door with a loud bang.

I get emotionally confused, sometimes
acting out based on what comes out
of my mouth; I’ve noticed I’m more detached
from my instincts; I’ve lived a simple
yet complicated life. I’m wise yet insecure;
I live in a box.

I carried resentment in my heart for a while
I didn’t want to accept that such a vile thing
could come from such a loving place, but
that is the reality of mistreatment; hate
does not discriminate and carries weight.
The anger and the pain sting
the most when closer to home plate.

I tell myself I’m better off without this man
every day but then I second-guess
my decisions; my mind wanders, and I think,
maybe if I had done this differently, or that
then perhaps we would be together now.
Those are the thoughts running through
my mind; those were the days when I was
drowning in the pain I inflicted upon myself
I was genuinely upset
over [losing] someone I never had.

My heart is ready for love again; I am
preparing my mind to accept this new reality,
and it’s telling me to keep on looking,
“don’t settle for the first man I find.”
The last time I accepted the first rose,
it was a nightmare.