Empty Words, Broken Promises

I’ve tried to be the one
who anyone could turn to.
Problem is, I always get hurt
in the process of lending a hand.

Others can count on me
but I can’t count on anyone.
In my time of need,
there’s no one to rescue me.

I’m sick and tired of people
telling me what they think I want to hear
cause when push comes to shove,
their words are useless, empty promises
that lingers in the polluted air
then crashes to the ground
with a force of vengeance.

Everlasting Friends

Everlasting friends,
I have one or two of them.
Neither time nor distance
has really changed anything.
When we talk (2-3 times a year),
we just pick up right where we left off,
as if, we had just spoken yesterday.
We don’t hold grudges against each other,
we share a mutual understanding,
we know how busy our lives has become
and we appreciate each time we get to speak.

Business As Usual

A kid-free weekend
does not mean
party all weekend.

It is not a celebration
or time for reckless behaviors.
It’s still business as usual

minus the tantrums and screaming,
minus the bickering and fighting,
minus the constant messes

Sober

I’m alone with my thoughts once again.
I thought about drowning out the noise
with some good ole liquor
but the side effects
would not be a nice wake-up call.

Revival

I must confess

I refuse
to pray
sometimes when things
fall out-of-place.

Correction:
when things
fall out of my control.

I’ll shut completely down.
Silence.
I’ll keep it all in.

And then it’ll dawn on me
that I’m just hurting myself
by making my issues
become bigger than God.

Maybe for a while,
I can carry on
like I don’t need God
but I do.
I need Him.

Not At My Best

There is much pain in my voice,
I’m really trying my hardest
not to break down and cry.
Once again, I have to put up a pretense.

I have to smile when I am sad,
be joyful when I am mad,
be strong when I feel weak,
and a million other things
that I don’t want to do.

I’d rather mope around
and feel sorry for myself.
That’s normal,
that is what is expected of me.

And sometimes, that’s as high as
my expectations go
when I’m not at my best.

Estranged Family

the ones who care the most,
will often get hurt the most

Today, I am reminded of
who or what my extended family is
(the inside edition version)
and why we’ve been estranged from each other.

They don’t know me
and I don’t know them.
Things are better off that way.

A Child Again

Once I turned a teenager,
I couldn’t wait to be grown
so I could do grown up things

I hardly took time to enjoy
the last few years of being a child.
I just couldn’t turn 18 fast enough.

I failed to calculate that
“making adult decisions”
would mean working to paying bills
and then some complicated stuff

Before I moved out on my own,
I didn’t have all my ducks in a row
so when I got my own place,
I fell on my butt faster than I could blink

now, fully grown and on my own with kids,
I wish I was a child again,
full of energy and carefree.

My daughter tells me all the time
how she wishes she were grown
so that she could do grown up things
and I tell her “oh no, sweetie”,
“don’t grow up too fast, enjoy being a kid”