Toss & Turn Night

Last night,
I wrestled with my alligator pillow.
And, it wasn’t a pretty sight.
Now, I am cranky and highly irritated.

I’ve got heavy grocery bags underneath my eyes,
and my head just wants to explode
from the pressure of my terrible insomnia.

You Were My Fairy Tale

Once upon a time you were my fairy tale.
First came love then out popped a baby.
There should have been a marriage
but we turned on each other and lost “a good thing”
because of our bossy tirades.

When the nightmare began,
I chose not to walk away
from the drama that unfolded
right before my I’m so in love with you eyes.

I should have listened to the voices of my heart
when it said that things were bad right from the start;
I should have gotten out when the time presented itself
for me to make my great escape.

Maybe I would’ve been happier now
instead of wondering when life will spare me
an ounce of happiness.

I’ve stopped dreaming of spending
my days and time with you.

In fact, I don’t even remember
all the reasons why I loved you
as much as I thought I did
…and to think that one day
I was looking forward
to being your sweeter, wiser half.

Unfinished Business

My conscience
used to nag me to shreds.
Confiding in me
that there was an unfinished business
to discuss (between the sheets)
between him and I
and deep down
I knew that my conscience
was right on,
although I wanted nothing more than to have
that exhausting tug of war emotion
that accompanies just the thought of him to
sail away with the wind.

I Am “The Change”

I am the change
I have always longed for.

I have been robotically standing in line,
waiting for my magic number to be called,
hoping for the chance to shine.

I have been searching far and deep,
high and low, wide and long,
inside and out
for what’s already in front of me,

smacking me right in the face
with my own destiny.

All I had to do was declare it, believe it,
and start living my dream life.

Thanks and Praise

Before I open
my calculated eyes in the mornings,
the first thing that comes out
of the meditation
of my heart
are words
of praise and thanksgiving.

Not to ask for anything
but to “simply” say
“thank you Lord
for all Your blessings”.

My Little Girl

She is an angelic treat
with her freshly squeezed sense of humor.
She breathes a breath of fresh air everyday
calm, cool, and happily collected,
spraying her scent of happiness all around,
showcasing her huge personality.

She loves to smile and laugh and play
tunes on her little pink guitar,
“I’m a rock star”, she says.
Thumbs up to herself as she gets down and boogie
to the music she makes
while I giddily nod yes to my little girl
because it is true.

She is one out of two rays of sunlight in my life.

I Am A Child Again

I am a great performer
when I am enraged
and dosed with foolishness
in the moment
of my transgression.

I am a child again,
and all the lessons I’ve learned
takes flight with the wind
in first class comfort.

A Suicide Fact

It’s more common than what gets publicized,
more common now than ever before.
More and more people (young and old)
think it’s the way to go.

Suicide is a taboo subject.
No one wants to talk about it
but at this very instant…
your brother, sister, aunt, uncle,
cousin, friend, best friend,
boyfriend, girlfriend, son or daughter
even father, mother,
grandfather or grandmother…
the people you’d least expect
to even give this grave idea a thought
could be contemplating suicide
or experiencing a past attempt.

The fact is that
SUICIDE IS REAL.
It may never hit home for you
but every couple of minutes
someone makes an attempt to end his or her own life
by hanging, overdosing, firing a single gunshot to the head, etc
…somewhere around the world
…someone will die by his or her
own trembling hands.

Part 5: The Suicide Series

It’s simple…
maybe you are not depressed,
getting bullied,
or some other tragic case.

Maybe you had a bad argument with someone…
a parent, friend, boyfriend or girlfriend
and it hit a nerve in a terrifying way.

It wasn’t intentional,
you just didn’t know how to cope
with the unfamiliar emotions that came forth.
You were hurting in a way you’ve never experienced before

but instead of talking about it,
you became enraged and started slashing your wrist
or causing other bodily harm in a deathtrap way;

maybe you thought that taking a bunch of pills
would be enough
to send the message you wanted to deliver
but never woke up to shed the dead weight.

Part 4: The Suicide Series

You don’t know how to talk about it
so you suffer alone in darkness,
trying to find a way out
of your lonesome self.

Your days fill up with tears
and that guilty trip of feeling sorry
for yourself is your best friend.

You are always feeling sad and hopeless,
helpless and worthless.

Some feelings come and go
but some never leave,
haunting and taunting you day and night.

Sometimes you find yourself over-sleeping
and can’t seem to get out of bed
or sometimes you roam the house at night
searching for that peace of mind.

Everything seems wrong in your life,
you are having the hardest time concentrating
on simple tasks, remembering things
or even making small decisions.

You don’t know what to do.
This thing has overpowered you.

There is only one thing left to do
and since you are too afraid
or too ashamed to seek help,
you can only think of one way to go.

Suicide has become your obsession.

No one cares,
“not even you”.

Part 3: The Suicide Series

Everything seems “normal”
from the outside looking in.

You could be the shyest person around
or even the most popular girl or boy;
anyone can become a victim.

For no explainable reason,
one day, your life got turned upside down
by someone who is fighting
his or her own demonic battles.

You are living in a nightmare,
day in and day out,
you try to find an escape route
from the dirty words and jokes,
mean looks, and cruel laughs
of those who are not in your shoes.

You cope and deal with it the best way
that you can
but the pain and scar
of the taunting and teasing
is squeezing your life support.

You start doing and thinking things
That has never really crossed your mind before;
you are constantly in a foul mood,
depressed, and stressed.

You suffer alone
in the confines of your room
wishing you could tell a parent or a friend
but for you, it probably wouldn’t matter at this point
because you are at the end of your rope anyway.

You have been a bullying victim for months,
Inside and outside of school.
Even on the social networks,
there is no breath of fresh air for you;
there is no end to the madness.

None. At least not yet.

Everything is in perspective now,
the pain you feel
won’t ease up
until you are out of the picture.

Part 2: The Suicide Series

There’s a daring voice within
barking commands;
telling you what to do
-right or wrong-
it will be done;
one way or another
the killer voice will win.
It is out of your control
once medication
has lost its way
from your bloodstream.