I (still) Cry For My Mother

I long for my mother,
I remember her in the past tense of my life,
And I struggle to accept her
as the mother I remembered growing up.

She gave me up for a reason,
She did the best she could.
She showed me she loved me,
And at times I try to remember that.

Going through the struggles I still had to face
Regardless of what she did for me,
I did not have anywhere to go or anyone to talk to
When I felt alone and empty.

There are days when I forget who she is,
There are days when I struggled to remember
What she meant to me growing up
And then the pain passes and I let go of her.

I remember the days when we were together,
And I will never forget the day
I had to leave her behind.
I cried for her many nights
And had to tough it out for the rest.

Half of my life has gone by
without a mother’s love or touch,
And sometimes it plagues me and I wonder:
Would my life had turned out differently
If she were there to love and hold me?

Deep down I hold a grudge against her,
Deep down I fight to accept her
For not being there for me
When I needed her the most
But I must understand that
she sent me away for a reason.

She wanted a better life for me,
She wanted me to have something
she didn’t have growing up.
I have to remember
That she did the best she could.