Feeling Useless

When the one you love with your entire heart
sees nothing good in you, he makes you feel
so worthless and low, you are together,
but still, you feel alone.

You want to run away from everything; wanting
to get away from it all, you thought things
would change, maybe you would be happy,
but you’re just feeling so sad and unloved, it’s hard
to function; you’ve tried to put the past behind you,
but it keeps coming back to haunt you.

You are working so hard to live right, no longer
turning tricks, even earning a degree;
slowly, you are changing. You may not do
everything right or have your head screwed
on tight, but you try to give him your all
—thinking you’re giving your best to your mate—
in a vulnerable state, but he keeps smacking
down your best efforts because he still
sees the “old” you.

Despite the difficulties, you are working hard
to make things work, but in the heat
of the moment, he never sees that
just like him, you are making sacrifices.

You’re both hurting, constant fighting,
arguing; things cool down for a day or two
after you’ve talked and seemed to work things
through, and now it’s back on; again and again,
always on repeat the drama, no end in sight,
it’s like walking on eggshells.

When will you crack? It’s all your fault,
this failed relationship, no matter what he says;
he blames you because in you, he still sees
nothing good you can’t help but feel hurt
every time he looks at you or gets angry; he talks
to you as if you are a child, the way he acts,
it’s as if you are a game to him—a toy.

It’s you he sees and finds all
the faults in, when he’s upset he spills
all the beans about how you keep messing up
no matter what that loser says on his pleasant days
he doesn’t love you, it’s all about him
even though you’ve changed for him.