I scribble my thoughts as they dribble
down from the stream of my mind.
Brought to you by inspiration.
Delivered by courage.
my voice trembles
it rattles, it breaks
I overthink, my mind shuts down
absorbed with how I sound
I stay quiet
my voice went through another drowning
I am just now coming
out of my painful shell;
my protected zone, a mere plastic bubble.
I am just now activating my capabilities.
Though my power’s been there all along,
sheltering behind the curtains.
A learning curve emerges as I find myself:
the art of public speaking.
My VR app says
to “expand on my thoughts more.”
for all the times’ others drowned me out,
my blog became my voice
when rejection accompanied me,
this location is where I cried
when anxiety overshadowed me
I received my power back here.
when depression tried to restrain me
I discovered my way out here.
when suicidal thoughts penetrated me;
this defense of choice became my 24/7 therapist
I exist only in my head,
the vibration of my voice echoes weirdly at times
I vocalize everything with certainty in my mind
but coming out my words seem jumbled up
and my thoughtfulness incomplete
I have a lot to say
but uncertainty confounds me;
“I’m not good enough” vacations with me,
constant comparison with everyone else’s current level shadows around me
I’m not shy; never was
I merely wore the various labels
others drafted for me like an emblem of honor
my comfort zone is uncomfortable now
I don’t belong in a box.
I scatter my heart and my soul here
if you desire to get to know me
what I don’t say out loud,
ends up on these pages.
Blessings never get old.
Some big, some small — never overrated.
The big ones are the miracles you hope to have
every day relaxing in your closet on a rainy day
—but the little ones are the diamonds you don’t see
before your eyes, they rest waiting patiently,
hoping for you to assemble them together like a puzzle,
you cannot see the bigger picture if you don’t look around.
The concept is family.
Now imagine a man,
adopting another family as his own.
When no one else was in proximity, he was there.
He’s the total package.
A noble friend.
An accomplished cook.
An enthusiastic reader.
A rhythmic piano player.
An instrumental teacher.
A perfect son for any parent
A dependable husband for any woman
An exemplary parent for any child
What’s not to love?
Yet, there is no assurance he is who says he is.
You only know him from the angle he shows.
Courteous and caring
His anger always under wraps.
Never an ordinary moment with this man.
But there has got to be more; you’ll soon find out.
He doesn’t have a family of his own.
His father verbally abused him;
he was a disappointment in the older man’s eyes.
So, he drank himself to sleep every night
running away from the pain of his childhood.
Then his wife ditched him for another man.
He wasn’t what she was looking for in her life.
And he never had a child of his own.
You became the family he never had.
And he appreciated every moment.
When no one else was around, you were there.
He died with a family to call his own.
Love is loving you
enough to let you go
your way, you deserve to grow
on your happy terms doing
what you love to do,
gossiping in bed all day like a good
Christian lady, that’s your actual image.
Great public image.
Things are worse than they appear.
An outsider’s perspective.
But you deserve happiness too.
you see me clearly
though you are blind
you listen closely,
valuing each word,
never quick to respond
my soul, you paint
with the tip of your fingers.
I would liken you
to a wordless song
were it not for the mystery in your voice.
I would liken you
to a stringless guitar
were it not for the spike in your persistence.
We jump rope for fun.
We go outside to catch a little sun.
We sometimes lack motivation.
We push each other.
We take a few breaks.
We keep the stress low.
We sweat a little.
We sweat a lot.
We take one day at a time.
We stay active.
We don’t keep score.
Another secret chapter to your story.
What happens when you are dreaming?
Time moves differently.
A cross between somewhere familiar yet unfamiliar.
You spend hours floating here,
but just a few minutes exploring there.
You get doused in sweat; you have an out-of-body experience,
a glimpse of divine power.