Poetry On A Roll

Some days will come by
and I’ll act like
it was mine to have all along.
I’ll get so busy and caught up
with everything else
that I forget to say “thank you”.

And then some days will come along
and I’ll remember without a doubt
tomorrow may never come
whether I appreciate it or not.

I’ve learned to wake up
with a grateful heart each day.
To start smelling the flowers
while they are still fresh.

When necessary,
I’ll hang
my feelings and emotions
on the line to dry,
for all to see.

I’ll hang
my shame on the line
so someone else
can see
they are not alone
in their struggles.

We often have
our lives all planned out.
It’s good to have an itinerary.
Short term goals.
Longterm goals.
There’s always something to do.

Death might come up
but it’s often chilling on the back burner.
We know it’s inevitable
so there’s no use
in beating ourselves up
about the one thing we’re certain
won’t skip over us
yet it gets us every time
we have to say goodbye
to the ones we love.

No amount of preparation
can prepare us for the shock.

This gift of written expression,
carefully fueled by
the pain, the hurt, and the struggles
of the past and the present.
As well as, the laughter and the joys
I often forget to include.

I may have a hard time
verbally getting my words out
but I can certainly write
without stumbling or mumbling.
Vulnerability on display.

My past battles has prepared me
for my present victory.

We are alive and well
yet we don’t actually live.
We’re just merely existing
with our pre-planned routines
and that’s what we call living.

We walk right past
the flowers most days
without actually realizing
what life is all about.
It’s not just the flowers
that we need to pick up, smell, and appreciate.

My mind is plagued
by the bold, outspoken, courageous me,
that’s all I can see.

I want so bad to overcome
that something in me
begins to fight with the sword
and I know without a doubt
it’s just a matter of time and discipline
that will determine my outcome

but then something else (another voice) in me
will try to convince me
that nothing I do
will ever make a difference
in how things have worked out,

despite my best efforts,
the burning desire
will end up fading
into the background
and I’ll have to build up
the momentum again to fight.

It was their job to get me to the next stop.
And for that selfless act, I am very grateful.

What I realize now is everything else
after that move was up to me.

The hurt,
the pain,
the brokenness
I endured was all
a part of the package deal.
It was only meant to last for a season.
What I didn’t realize at the time
was that God wouldn’t have allowed any of the madness
if He didn’t know I could handle
the stress,
the trauma,
and the sadness.

I used to live like I deserved
the kitchen sink being thrown at me
and I’d use the hurt to feed the pain
like a migraine craving sugar,
carelessly thinking I was doing myself a favor
by burying my purpose in the ground
when I couldn’t even see the bigger picture.

Memories on replay.
Frozen faces.
Unanswered questions.
Their lives gone.
Your life in perspective.

An endless flow of tears.
You won’t forget their smiles.
They won’t be forgotten.

You remember to just breathe
while you still have
the breath within you.
Life doesn’t seem so complicated now.

R. I. P. Aunt Paula

I refuse
to die in my sins.
There is a God
who’s in tomorrow
who can save me.
And you.
And anyone else
who needs saving.

I’m strong and confident in my mind,
can’t nothing or nobody break me.
But when I open my mouth,
my words come tumbling out
and my voice

breaks,
cracks,
shakes,
and bleeds

fear

producing something totally different
than what I had originally planned
to say or do.

Some questions come with hidden charges.
If you step outside of the box,
that’s considered uncharted territory and is a no-no.
Some people want you to stay in line and be a good little slave.
They’ll tell you pretty little responses or use nasty little daggers
wrapped up neatly with a bow and tie just to keep you silent.
Whether you stay mute or not, it’s up to you.
Your voice, no one should tell you how to use.

I am the example
I use to push my children
to stand up and make a difference.

I use my failures and successes
to encourage them to aim high.

All of the lessons I try to instill in them,
I make sure those same lessons are instilled in me too;
I need them to see that I am more than my words.